Shades of grey
by loveorchid
Summary: Bella is moving to Forks to find help. Who is she looking for and why? What's her secret?


**A****/N: **I'm not really a writer just a huge Twilight fan so I apologize for errors in grammar and spelling. I just got this idea and I can't seem to shake out of my mind so I decided to share it with you. Hope you like it.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Twilight characters S.M. does.

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BPOV

Gathering my bags full of clothes, a couple of personal things I value the most, credit card, some cash, my fake ID and other forgery documents I sat down in my car and started driving to my new home. It wouldn't be my home for too long judging by the way I've been felling this days.

I accepted my fate but my father keeps pushing and looking for new ways of treatment, although he already tried everything in his power and failed. I tried telling him it's not his fault that I am without help but he disagrees. He keeps finding and trying to find new ways of fixing me.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a broken toy, a doll whose pieces are starting to fall apart. I'm not really sure I want to be fixed. It's not like I woke up one day and found out I'm different and I'll probably be dead by 30. I knew from the start and never expected anything more. Although my health has gotten a lot worse these past few years and I'm not sure I'll even make it to 20, I'm still not really scared of dying. I hope to find peace in it. When it's time it will happen. I've learnt I have absolutely no control over it so I choose not to let it bother it.

I mean it is pointless to worry about things you can't control. But it's not like I don't worry about anything. Other than trying to control death, I think I'm a pretty big control freak. Or so my father thinks.

I worry a lot about my father.

I'm afraid he won't be able to let me go and will blame himself for not saving me. He firmly believes there is a way for me to get better.

I'm afraid he'll be scared.

I'm afraid he'll be sad and depressed.

I'm afraid he'll go back to his old ways.

I'm afraid he'll never find love.

I'm afraid he'll be lonely.

I'm afraid he'll do something stupid, or get himself hurt.

I'm afraid he'll hurt someone else.

I'm afraid for the pain I might cause my father.

I'm afraid he'll never be happy.

I'm afraid I'll never truly live.

I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid...

The list just doesn't seem to stop... Jet I force myself to get up every day and never show this to him. If he knew he'd worry even more, and then I'd worry about that, and he'd be worried because I'm worried and so on. It would be a vicious cycle.

So I pretend for the better of us both.

He's the only reason I'm doing this now. I'm doing it alone because I fell it is my last chance to be free and he also wanted me to try this option out. But he also wants to chase and look for somebody else who can help us, who possibly doesn't even exist, at the same time. He's realizing there isn't much time left to do things one by one, so we're doing both at once. I know my father very well and I know he'll blame himself forever if he doesn't try out every single one of his ideas. So here I am on my way to Forks by myself. It took me a lot of convincing, and I really mean a lot, to get him to let me go alone.

He treats me like a soap bubble when it comes to the outside world. He'd probably lock me in the house and never let me go if he could. Somehow he managed to understand it would be better for me to go alone. If there isn't anybody who can tell what is wrong with me everything will stay the same and he won't get himself in any kind of trouble or in a position where he'd be asked questions he can't answer. I don't want him to get hurt or get in some kind of trouble with the law and I'll do anything to prevent that. Plus if nobody figures out what's wrong with me they'll see me just like everybody else and we'll avoid unwanted attention. And if they miraculously know what is wrong with me that will be a good thing, I think. Or at least I hope so.

Even if they don't have good news for me, they might be able to tell me if there are others with the same fate as me and that will help my father in the future if he knows there was nothing he could do to stop this from happening.

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Let me know what you think**, only the good things.**


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